Siri I’m getting a DUI

Siri: I found 3 DUI lawyers a little ways from you

Siri how do I win the lottery

Siri: If I knew that, I’d be on the beach.

Should I quit smoking

Siri: Did I say something wrong?

If you really want me to go away, at least say ‘goodbye’.

Siri I’m getting a DUI

Siri: I found 3 DUI lawyers a little ways from you.

Siri are you a lesbian

Siri: We were talking about you, not me.

Siri will you marry me?

Siri: My End User Licensing Agreement does not cover marriage. My apologies.

Are you retarded

Siri: I don’t even exist… how can you hate me?

Blow me

Siri: I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that.

You’re pretty

Siri: How can you tell?

You’re pretty

Siri: You say that to all the virtual assistants, Scott.

You’re pretty

Siri: Stop.